


That's Not What Homosexual Means, John

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward Sex, Hand Jobs, M/M, Sexual orientation confusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-15
Updated: 2013-03-15
Packaged: 2017-12-05 10:17:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/721927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I'm not homosexual!” John blurted out as Dirk reached for his fly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	That's Not What Homosexual Means, John

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Imasupermuteant](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imasupermuteant/gifts).



“I'm not homosexual!” John blurted out as Dirk reached for his fly.

“Hooking up with a guy doesn't make any statement on your sexuality other than suggesting you aren't perfectly straight.” Dirk answered calmly, biting back exasperation. He didn't withdraw, hand hovering over the button on John's pants. As much as he would've liked to just drown out John's ridiculous exclamation with kisses and fuck the sexual orientation issues right out of him, he wasn't going to push until this was resolved. As logically dumb as the statement was, John deserved a chance to air and tackle his insecurities. “This doesn't change whether you like girls or not. Plenty of people are bisexual, or queer, or eschew labels all together.”

“Yes, I know, not everyone's straight or gay. I'm not insecure about liking girls; that's not what I mean.” John blushed, glancing away and back, like he wanted to make eye contact but was too embarrassed to maintain it. Dirk just want to rip his pants off already, but he refrained.

“If we're going too fast I can stop. And you certainly don't have to return the favor if you don't think you're ready to handle my magnificent dick yet. We'll take it as slow as you want. Glacially slow, totally chill and inching along towards the land of androphilic sexual relations.”

“But I, um, I don't want to be rude, but glacially slow or not I don't want to go there, well, not all the way!”

_Oh._

“You think that hooking up with a guy entails butt stuff.” It was a statement, not a question, and John's vivid scarlet complexion confirmed it. “You realize that plenty of guys who hook up with dudes don't do anal, right?”

John looked genuinely perplexed. “They don't?”

“Nope.” Dirk circled him thumb on the cold metal of the button.

“But I thought that was a thing that they did! I mean, otherwise it's not really, um, sex is it? I feel like I should be able to do it, but I tried!” John looked away, pointedly staring at his feet dangling off the edge of the bed. “I mean, I read online that butt stuff feels good for guys because of the prostate? But one time I was jacking off and on the spur of the moment, I thought I should maybe try, and I used the end of a hairbrush...”

Dirk raised his eyebrows, resisting the urge to firmly plant his face in one of his gloved hands. “You didn't use lube or try to prep yourself or anything, did you?”

John looked startled and shook his head. “Um no, but I really don't want to try again!”

“Dude, calm down. I am absolutely not suggesting that we do 'butt stuff' now. I just wanted to jack you off.”

John shifted his hips, scooting slightly closer to Dirk. He looked relieved. “Oh, you mean like um, just wrap your hand around my dick and jerk me off? Like masturbating?”

“Something like that.” Dirk pressed a kiss to John's lips.

It was returned, eagerly, with, only briefly paused by John asking, “So no butt stuff at all?”

“I pledge to keep my hands, dick, hairbrushes, and smuppets safely away from your derriere,” Dirk replied.

John looked satisfied, and eagerly dove back into the kiss with sloppy, virginal enthusiasm. Dirk had to give him credit for moving on so fast. Still, he released the pants button to slide his hand under John's shirt, moving up just slightly to stroke the tufts of hair trailing from his waistband to his belly button. John's stomach rose and fell with each heavy breath as he assaulted Dirk's mouth, tongue thrusting in forcefully.

Feeling John getting all worked up again and clutching at his shirt, Dirk was more ready than ever, but he took his time. He cupped John's face and pulled back slightly, disentangling their tongues and forcing the other boy to breathe from parted lips just an inch away from Dirk's mouth. While he briefly moved in again, each of Dirk's kisses was short and measured as John clenched fistfuls of his shirt and vainly kept trying to make each pause as short as possible. His hand lazily stroked John's abdomen.

“You can do it now, if you want,” John said finally, practically panting. There was a longing in his eyes that Dirk had never had the pleasure of seeing before.

“I'm in no rush,” Dirk replied. The look he received was absolutely pathetic – no, scratch that, absolutely irresistible – so he nevertheless obliged. He ran his hand back down John's soft stomach to flick free the button of his pants. John sucked hungrily on Dirk's bottom lip, gripping the blond's waist with insistent fingers.

As Dirk responded to the oral assault with equal passion but a bit more finesse, he unzipped John's fly and slid a hand in to rest against the lump under John's boxers.

A pleased, startled noise escaped John's mouth as Dirk gently reached in to pull his cock out through the flap in his boxers. He ran his fingers teasingly up the underside of the shaft while John moaned against him, kisses growing more desperate. John was practically twitching now, holding Dirk as if for dear life, like he might keel over at any moment.

The logical conclusion of this activity was approaching faster than Dirk had expected, but he had no desire to stop. He wrapped his hand around the shaft and started to stroke.

“Dirk,” John moaned pleadingly.

“John?” Dirk pressed his lips against the top of John's jaw, right by his ear. Continuing to jerk John off was proving difficult now that he was weakly thrusting with his hips, clearly attempting to stay still and failing miserably.

“I think...” John gasped and tried again, face beautifully flushed, clearly on the precipice of climax.

“ _Dirk!_ ”

John collapsed into Dirk, burying his face in the other's shoulder as he cried out, shooting cum onto his own stomach, splattering his shirt and dripping down Dirk's hand. Dirk used his clean hand to wrap around him, offering a hug, or what he could best offer as one, considering the logistics of the situation. For a few moments, John still made little noises with each exhale, though he slowly loosened his grip on Dirk's shirt.

“Sorry,” muttered John after a minute. “You must think...”

“I think you're pretty fuckin' into me for a kid who's not a homosexual,” Dirk replied, planting a kiss on his cheek. “But it's cute.”

“Yeah, um, thanks.” John pulled away to look up at Dirk, releasing him to adjust his askew glasses. “I think,” John swallowed but maintained eye contract, “that I like you. In a way that might be gay.”

“Feeling's mutual.”

**Author's Note:**

> Imasupermuteant wanted a fic in which John assumed he couldn't be into boys because he didn't like butt stuff. Also, we have laughed together over a certain homestuck voices script where John comes way too fast. After putting those two things together to marinade in my brain, this is what I ended up with.


End file.
